Deception or Betrayal?

What is worse , to be deceived or to be betrayed ?
Betrayal is an act of weakness, it could be a consequence of a situation .
However, deception is a state of mind . Deception is a pre planned scheme of deceiving , with or without reason .
Actually , those who deceive are natural cheaters. So it is doesn't make much of a difference to realise that you have been betrayed by someone who was deceiving you .

Good Bye Marquez

It has been a month of strange departure of special people to the other place of the unknown. Sudden,unexpected, saddening ... I decided never to finish living to tell the tale some years ago , because I didn't want to unveil the epic inside the masterpieces of Marquez's ... As death reveals itself again from another corner to take another dear person ... A real lover .. A longtime intimacy ... Goodbye Gabriel ... You will always be there... As ever. RIP

زياره المحرقه..بالعربي

اثارني ما تم نشره في الصحف مؤخرا بخصوص زياره طلاب جامعيين برفقه د. محمد دجاني فضولي للكتابه بالعربي وليس فقط بالانجليزي. 

يمكن ممكن ان ازيد ان اثارتي بهذا المجال ذهبت حتى موضوع اغلاق بيت انيسه . وفضولي بهذا الشآن ليس بموضوع الاغلاق ولكن بانغماس الناس بمحاوله معرفه لما؟ !!!!!ا

وهو ما يشبه موضوع زياره د. الدجاني لزياره المحرقه ببولندا. فتعليقات الناس من مشجع له على شجاعته من جهه ، واخرون متهمين اياه بالعماله من جهه اخرى هو ما اثار فضولي. 

وبما اننا نعيش في زمن ، اختلطت به اوراق العماله بالبطوله ، والشجاعه بالوقاحه والانفتاح بالانحراف والحريه بالتزليط والقمع بالديمقراطيه الخخخخخخخ من مصطلحات لم يعد بالامكان خلطها او فصلها والمحصله هي سلطه. 

وقبل الاسهاب بالكلام ، احب ان اوكد باني لا ازعم الوطنيه لان الوطني اصبح كل من يتكلم بفكري انا ( وانا هنا قد اكون فتح ،حماس، شيوعي جبهاوي، عميل، الخ…) 

ولا ازعم عدم التطبيع ، لان كلمه تطبيع في نظري ايضا تشبه مصطلحات كثيره تم استغلالها كالسلام والانتفاضه والمفاوضات والحرب وون ودوله وقدس وشعب وغيرها…. 

وقبل التنظير اود بان اوكد باني انسانه اومن وبشده بان المسآله الاسرائيليه الفلسطينيه لن تحل الا من قبل فلسطينيون واسرائيليون يقفوا على نفس الارض بغض النظر عن احجامهم واوزانهم ، ولكن بايمان مطلق بان الاخر الذي يقف امامه هو انسان يحق له ان يحيا بعدل وامن وكرامه مثله . 

واود ان اقول بان لي اصدقاء اسرائيليون ويهود افتخر بصداقتي لهم ، وان اهم سنوات تعليمي قضيتها في الجامعه العبريه ، واغنى تجربه اكاديميه مررت بها هي في برنامج مشترك ، واني تشرفت بالعمل ومعرفه بعض الاسرائييليون الذين اضافوا ولا يزالوا يضيفوا دعما للقضيه الفلسطينه فشل الفلسطينيون في معظم الاوقات في اضافتها لقضيتهم. 

 ومن جهه اوكد باني ادعم مقاطعه اسرائيل كوسيله ضغط ، بالرغم من انتقادي وعدم ايماني بالمحاولات المارئه للمقاطعه من جانبنا وتشجيعي لحملات المقاطعه الدوليه التي مما لا شك فيه باتت تاخذ دورا واعيا وفاعلا مؤخرا ، بينما لا تزال نداءات مقاطعتنا واهنه ، غير صادقه ، غير منتظمه ،وبدون رؤيا منظمه. 

قبل عده سنوات شاركت في نقاش في مركز الامم المتحده في غزه عن عدم موافقه حماس لادخال المحرقه في المناهج الفلسطينيه . عندها اقترحت بطريقتي الهزليه بانني لو كنت مكان حماس لوافقت مع عمل زيارات ميدانيه لمدخل غزه من ايريز ،فهو تجسيد حيوي لواقع المحرقه ..

 “ وللحقيقه ، بانني منذ ذلك الوقت وانا اسآل نفسي بعض الاسئله التي تتمحور حول : “ لماذا يجب ان اتعلم عن المحرقه ؟

ما المطلوب ؟ ان ارى معاناه من بنى كيانه على اشلاء شعبي احياء وامواتا ؟ 

هل المطلوب ان اتعاطف مع مأساتهم التي كرروها من خلالي؟ 

 قد افهم بآن علي ان اتفهم عقد امي مثلا التي تطورت من خلال حياه صعبه ما في اول عمرها . وبالتالي اتعاطف معها . ولكن 

بالنهايه هي امي. ما المطلوب مني بالضبط؟ ان انظر الى معاناه اليهود وحرقهم وذبحهم واتعاطف معهم ؟ اتمنى ذلك ، لان هذا فعلا ما اشعر به تجاه مآسي الشعوب ، والتي بكل مره تذكرني بمأساتي كشعب لا تزال المآسي تجري من خلاله بتهجير وتدمير وقتل وسبي وحواجز واغلاقات وتراخيص عبور ولم شمل …..كيف لي ان اتعاطف مع مأساه شعب قتل وهجر وحشر وسبي وظلم ….مثلي انا … وهذا الشعب نفسه ، هو من يظلمني اليوم . 

حتى امكانيه صفاء النفوس انتزعوها منا من خلال هكذا مهاترات . 

وللتأكيد مره اخرى . آنا انسانه اؤمن بان الحل الوحيد يكمن ، عندما يقف الاسرائيلي امامي ويعترف باحتلاله لي ارضا وشعبا ، ويطلب مني انا الفلسطيني عن حل يرضينا نحن الاثنين ،

والسلام ليس كلمه يوقع عليها باتفاقيه بين سياسيون ، انما هو طريقه حياه تبدأ بالاعتراف وتستكمل بالعدل والمساواه . 

Auschwitz Education!

Auschwitz Education!!!!

The news stormed a bit around the issue of Dr. M. Dajani taking a group of Palestinians students to the Auschwitz in Poland recently. Regardless to the reactions, if it was a brave action!!! Or an act of collaboration; the debate might go on. Sadly speaking, we are in a situation, where the main lines of what used to resemble our nationality as Palestinians have been sabotaged since quite some time.

The whole concepts used for the conflict business have been as well exploited, from peace to normalization. From war to intifada. From a state to territory. One is careful with every word he uses, because the terminology of the words has been part of this industry.

Before I proceed, I would like to stress on the fact, that I am a person who takes pride in having friends who happened to be Israelis. I am privileged t have encountered and worked as well wit some Israelis. The few years I spent as a student in the Hebrew university have been the best years of my academic life, even though I was too incompetent as a student. And I am currently studying in academic program with Israeli partnership.

This doesn’t mean that I am not against boycotting as a tool for pressuring the Israeli occupation. It is true as well that most of what has been done in this regard, locally, is immature, inconsistent, intolerant, inefficient and other terms that will pop later in my head. This doesn’t mean that the attempts of some people or groups are respected and important and efficient. It is also important to highlight here, that the international boycott campaign is a more solid, efficient and fruitful move and it is funnily working well.

I insist to make my own statement here, knowing that many will oppose. I strongly believe that in order to solve the Israel Palestine Question we need Palestinians and Israelis to do it. Palestinians and Israelis who decently believe that a solution that is based on justice should prevail. Such Palestinians and Israelis are not on the headlines of the news, and they are not in government cabinets, and they are not the Peacenik Brokers who have benefited from the situation and transformed it into profitable businesses in the last decades.

Some years ago, I happened to be part of a discussion with the U.N headquarters in Gaza while complaining about Hamas government for not allowing the holocaust education in the curriculum. Entering Gaza for the first time, into what looked like a visual ghetto I suggested ‘ cynically’ that Hamas should allow the courses with assigning filed trips to show them the entrance to Gaza as a real example of Ghettos.

A question remained in my head since then, what should I as a Palestinian learn from studying the holocaust? 

What am I supposed to learn from studying or understanding the injustice, murder, crimes committed against my oppressor? Should I justify his crimes against me? I know that when I understand my mother’s misery as in her earlier years, makes me let’s say justify her insecurities in her beavers today. But she remains my mother. When I identify with the ill doings against the Jews in the holocaust, does it make occupation an easier place? Should I thank them for not putting me yet in an oven and fry me? Should I ask them to mark my arms with signs that say I am Palestinian? 

For years, I tried to grow into a more tolerant person, that I believe aim trying to become. However, I found it so unfair, and so unjust, to ask me as a Palestinian to look at the misery of the jews that resulted In the creation of Israel on my own life and land, while I live every single moment of my life, a life f diaspora, racism, systemic ethnic cleansing, separation with barriers, checkpoints, and permits to move from one plot to another. When my life as a Palestinian is not far, if not the same or maybe worse than what the Nazi did. YES, I know we were not killed in millions. But in sixty years of occupation, Israel has performed and continues to perform what the Nazis did in centuries of European resentment to Jews. 

I refuse to bring a Palestinian to see the Auschwitz in Poland, and Israeli to a refugee camp. Sorry sir, the Auschwitz with all its cruelty, resembles a crime that you may resemble with the memories of the past. The refugee camp is the result of the creation of Israel. Our misery is not the same. We are asked to sympathize with our oppressor over crimes that others caused him. 

As a matter of fact, this act backfires. Because, on a human level, I can resemble with an Israeli on many acts of life. We can sympathize wit hone another on losses. We can be happy for one another for intimate occasions. We can be friends, we can be colleagues, we can sometimes put politics aside and be just who we are PEOPLE. But the moment you tell me that I have to sympathies with a Jew, I cannot but seem my own misery. Our corpses, our homes, our land are the demonstration of his misery. It feels like stumping over our corpses and making a show to the world pointing towards a documentary on the holocaust, while the world is watching, it is our corpses, dead and alive that are being stumped. I see each and every face of Palestinian victims dead and alive with each scene I watch. 

You cannot stump on me from one side, and ask me to be your audience forms the other. 

You cannot ask me to identify with a demonstration that I am suffering today by its heroes. 

I need Israel and the world, to uplift its occupation from me first. I need to be treated like a human being first. I need to experience justice in order to be just in my emotions and judgments to others. 

And I still insist , that there are causes that I am ready to fight for with my life that concern Israelis . Because peace is about  two people standing on the same ground regardless to their weight or height.  It is about two people who see each other as people . People who look towardss the other and see another equal human that he can deal or not deal with . And these people exist . And these people don’t need to show me the Auschwitz . Because the Ausszchwitz reminds them as me, in the cruelty of opression , and thus … occupation .

Auschwitz Education!

Auschwitz Education!!!!

The news stormed a bit around the issue of Dr. M. Dajani taking a group of Palestinians students to the Auschwitz in Poland recently. Regardless to the reactions, if it was a brave action!!! Or an act of collaboration; the debate might go on. Sadly speaking, we are in a situation, where the main lines of what used to resemble our nationality as Palestinians have been sabotaged since quite some time.

The whole concepts used for the conflict business have been as well exploited, from peace to normalization. From war to intifada. From a state to territory. One is careful with every word he uses, because the terminology of the words has been part of this industry.

Before I proceed, I would like to stress on the fact, that I am a person who takes pride in having friends who happened to be Israelis. I am privileged t have encountered and worked as well wit some Israelis. The few years I spent as a student in the Hebrew university have been the best years of my academic life, even though I was too incompetent as a student. And I am currently studying in academic program with Israeli partnership.

This doesn’t mean that I am not against boycotting as a tool for pressuring the Israeli occupation. It is true as well that most of what has been done in this regard, locally, is immature, inconsistent, intolerant, inefficient and other terms that will pop later in my head. This doesn’t mean that the attempts of some people or groups are respected and important and efficient. It is also important to highlight here, that the international boycott campaign is a more solid, efficient and fruitful move and it is funnily working well.

I insist to make my own statement here, knowing that many will oppose. I strongly believe that in order to solve the Israel Palestine Question we need Palestinians and Israelis to do it. Palestinians and Israelis who decently believe that a solution that is based on justice should prevail. Such Palestinians and Israelis are not on the headlines of the news, and they are not in government cabinets, and they are not the Peacenik Brokers who have benefited from the situation and transformed it into profitable businesses in the last decades.

Some years ago, I happened to be part of a discussion with the U.N headquarters in Gaza while complaining about Hamas government for not allowing the holocaust education in the curriculum. Entering Gaza for the first time, into what looked like a visual ghetto I suggested ‘ cynically’ that Hamas should allow the courses with assigning filed trips to show them the entrance to Gaza as a real example of Ghettos.

A question remained in my head since then, what should I as a Palestinian learn from studying the holocaust? 

What am I supposed to learn from studying or understanding the injustice, murder, crimes committed against my oppressor? Should I justify his crimes against me? I know that when I understand my mother’s misery as in her earlier years, makes me let’s say justify her insecurities in her beavers today. But she remains my mother. When I identify with the ill doings against the Jews in the holocaust, does it make occupation an easier place? Should I thank them for not putting me yet in an oven and fry me? Should I ask them to mark my arms with signs that say I am Palestinian? 

For years, I tried to grow into a more tolerant person, that I believe aim trying to become. However, I found it so unfair, and so unjust, to ask me as a Palestinian to look at the misery of the jews that resulted In the creation of Israel on my own life and land, while I live every single moment of my life, a life f diaspora, racism, systemic ethnic cleansing, separation with barriers, checkpoints, and permits to move from one plot to another. When my life as a Palestinian is not far, if not the same or maybe worse than what the Nazi did. YES, I know we were not killed in millions. But in sixty years of occupation, Israel has performed and continues to perform what the Nazis did in centuries of European resentment to Jews. 

I refuse to bring a Palestinian to see the Auschwitz in Poland, and Israeli to a refugee camp. Sorry sir, the Auschwitz with all its cruelty, resembles a crime that you may resemble with the memories of the past. The refugee camp is the result of the creation of Israel. Our misery is not the same. We are asked to sympathize with our oppressor over crimes that others caused him. 

As a matter of fact, this act backfires. Because, on a human level, I can resemble with an Israeli on many acts of life. We can sympathize wit hone another on losses. We can be happy for one another for intimate occasions. We can be friends, we can be colleagues, we can sometimes put politics aside and be just who we are PEOPLE. But the moment you tell me that I have to sympathies with a Jew, I cannot but seem my own misery. Our corpses, our homes, our land are the demonstration of his misery. It feels like stumping over our corpses and making a show to the world pointing towards a documentary on the holocaust, while the world is watching, it is our corpses, dead and alive that are being stumped. I see each and every face of Palestinian victims dead and alive with each scene I watch. 

You cannot stump on me from one side, and ask me to be your audience forms the other. 

You cannot ask me to identify with a demonstration that I am suffering today by its heroes. 

I need Israel and the world, to uplift its occupation from me first. I need to be treated like a human being first. I need to experience justice in order to be just in my emotions and judgments to others. 

And I still insist , that there are causes that I am ready to fight for with my life that concern Israelis . Because peace is about  two people standing on the same ground regardless to their weight or height.  It is about two people who see each other as people . People who look towardss the other and see another equal human that he can deal or not deal with . And these people exist . And these people don’t need to show me the Auschwitz . Because the Ausszchwitz reminds them as me, in the cruelty of opression , and thus … occupation .

WONDER ... a great read

Wonder…

"..no,no, it's not all random , if it really was all random,the universe would abandon us completely .and the universe doesn't. It takes care of its most fragile creations in ways we can't see . Like with parents who adore you blindly, and a big sister who feels guilty for being human over you . and a little gravelly-voiced kid whose friends have left him offer you . and even a pink haired girl who carries you picture in her wallet. maybe it is a lottery, but the universe makes it all even out in the end , the universe takes care of all its birds. "

well… 

I would have wanted to make a review for this last read.. and of course it is one of the best books i have ever read in my life. Actually there is more , the last time a book made my tears shed in embarrassment was in the last chapter of jubran's broken wings. Of course turkish soap operas make me always wrap my life and think ,for God's sake, it is always worse than my life in turkish drama . BUT Wonder, made me spend what may be called a "washful" ( it is likely to be a new invented word by me ) tears operation for a serious good count of hours. it wasn't about a love story , a broken heart , an accident . Well, the dead of 'daisy' the dog was the start of my tear bashing , but no, it wasn't just there . It was the humanity . It is such an amazing journey in kindness. yes , kindness . Kindness and courage in being you . in looking at what appears t one a human deformation ,and learn from that deformed creation the perfection of human kind . 

I asked the bookseller to help me choose a book that will take me away from my philosophy mood and Ibn Rushd's obsession, when the young fellow grabbed Wonder to me and said : ' its full of humanity , i just finished ' . 

I always have this impression , when reading Arabic and non Araic literature . In non Arabic literature, No matter how rough the plot is , how hard the situation grows into more complications , the end is always somehow hopeful . like reading Caelho's 11 minutes, and Nawal Saadawi's 'woman at a point of 0.'  Kafka's Amerika and Mohammad Shukri's Al Khubzi il hafi . An always worse dramatic end in our literature . But that is what it is . Our reality remains darker than our literature perhaps. 

anyway , in this 'uplifting' , 'in-reaching' novel , a great lesson of how Wonderous our 'deformations' are meant to be , if we just look through . Not to the surface of the shallowness of a given creation . But to the miracle behind the deformed difficulty what may strike us as our worse nightmares ,  to realize that it is meant to be the wonder of our being … if we are just kind and courageous to be and face. 

انا والوطن ...الوطن وانا .... انا ام الوطن.. الوطن ام انا ...

بينما كنت احاول الهروب من كتابه ورقتي عن ابن رشد . قررت عمل مداخله لما يحدث من اخبار لتحرر الوطن بالمفاوضات وجدت هذه المداخله التي كنت قد كتبتها قبل مده في وقت ازمه دحلان عباس الاخيره ، ولاسباب امنيه داخليه قررت عدم نشرها لكثره خصوصيتها ، ولكن بعد قراءتها الان ، قلت مش غلط ، فما اجمل الامس بالمقارنه باليوم ،للقصه بقيه …...ء

.الكتابه في الضيق كالسياسه، تصبح فن الممكن ويبقى السوال . اي ممكن ؟ 

بينما اتصارع مع ذاتي منذ الصباح برغبه جامحه بالكتابه عن ما يجري من تخبطات سياسيه بالبلد وبين هروب كلماتي بينما تبحث اصابعي عن 

الاحرف على اللوحه

عاده ما اعمل مقارنات بين علاقه اسراىىل وفلسطين واشبهها بعلاقتي بطليقي > انا طبعا فلسطين ، وقد تكون اقرب مفارقه موضوع نفقه الاطفال التي كنت اعتقد باني بالرغم من عدم تحصيلها ساعتبرها وكانها حساب توفير للاطفال سينفعهم في تعليمهم الجامعي . ولان اتفاقيه الطلاق التي خدعت بها ، يمكن كلمه خدعت ليست بالكلمه الصحيحه لاني ربما كما القياده الفلسطينيه عندما وقعت اوسلو ، كانت تعتقد ان اوسلو هي بدايه التحرر ، فانا قبلت باتفاقيه هزيله لاتمكن من نيل حريه حياه في وقت كنت امام الناس ايضا كفلسطين محاطه بعائله قويه من المفروض انها التي تحميني .

قلبت على نفسي مواجع اصبحت واهيه ، فكما فلسطين تحولت من تاريخ الى بضع اماكن هنا وهناك > اخر ما تمسكت به كان مبلغ تقارب على ال ٤٠٠ الف شيكل استمتع في رؤيته على الورق واغضب لاني بجانبه انفقت مرات ومرات ذاك المبلغ في خلال ما يقرب علي العشر سنوات .حتى تفاجآت في يوم ما بان المبلغ وصل الي اقل من ٤٠الف . وما يجعل الموضوع اكثر قربا لحالنا السياسي ان طليقي يحاول مساومتي ودفع المبلغ بالتقسيط ويهددني بانه اذا ما رفضت سيذهب للمطالبه بتقسيطه لعدم تمكنه من الدفع . 

فجاه ومره اخرى يصبح حالي كحال فلسطين . 

وطبعا اجد نفسي “متنحه “ وغاضبه وابدو للعيان ؛كاسره وما حدا بقدر لي”  . 

الموضوع حتى الصباح لم يكن مقاربتي بقصتي باسرائيل > كان موضوع عباس دحلان ، الذي كان اشبه بحياتي الشخصيه بعلاقتي بوالدتي ، وهنا يقع المأزق فان اردت تشبيه نفسي بالرئيس فهي مصيبه وان شبهت نفسي بالدحلان فهي مصيبه اكثر . ولكن من اجل الحق فانني اتعاطف 

مع موقف الدحلان واشعر باني اقرب اليه لو كنت اريد التصرف ولكني لست كالدحلان هنا . فهو ذا نفوذ والامارات وسويرس بظهره 

اما اليوم ولا تزال المفاوضات تجري بالرغم من حرد يمكن كيري ، فهناك من الفلسطينيون من يدافع عن موقف عباس والمفاوضات وكأنه فعلا يحرر فلسطين….فلسطين يا حيف…. فلقد اصبحت فلسطين تتمثل بمفاوضات على اطلاق اسرائيل لعميلها بامريكا مقابل بضع من اسرانا … ،طبعا في خضم هذا السكون المغثي وتوقيع عباس لطلب مشاركات بجمعيات حقوقيه دوليه (عمل بطولي تحرري اكيد) لا بد من اننا ننتظر مفاجأه اطلاق مروان البرغوثي. قبل شهر ونيف كان اكثر ما اخشاه ان يكون اطلاق البرغوثي مقابل التنازل عما تبقى من مراوغات على حبر الوطن ، ولكن الان > البرغوثي صار بمساومه لا تخص الوطن ولكن بضمن العجائب البطوليه اللا منتهيه من مهاترات التفاوض على الوطن سيكون الرغوتي حرا بصفقه تعني الاسرائيليين والامريكيين ، وكان العميل الاسرائيلي في السجون الامريكيه اصبح محور حل القضيه الفلسطينيه .

وطبعا سأتهم بالعماله وعدم الوطنيه ان لم اهلل لاطلاق سراح البرغوثي ،وقبل اللغط اريد ان اووكد ان البرغوثي وكل الاسرى على راسي من فوق > ولكن المفاوضات على الوطن اصبحت مفاوضات على اشخاص ، حتى عملاء اسراذيل في امريكا اصبحوا ضمنهم. 

وسيعود مفاوضونا بانجاز هتافي جديج ، بتحرير وطن حتى خارطته غابت عن حبر اوراق الاتفاقيات . وطن اصبح تصريح دخول ، وتنسيق امني ،ومصلحه هنا واطلاق سراح اسير…وعميل اسرائيلي بامريكا….

وعوده على عود، ومع شخصنه قصتي والاحتلال ، فما جد في قصتي وطليقي ، كما فلسطي والدول العربيه ، جاء يوم هدت فيه موقفا انبل من طليقي تجاهي من ذلك لاقرب المقربين لي ، مما استدعاني لقرار فك الحجوزات عنه ، لان حربي معه كانت حرب حق ، وبعد ضياع الحق لا يبقى الا الحرب من اجل الوجود ، وتيقنت بان وجودي واولادي هو شوكه ليس بحلق طليقي ولكن اخرون…..

ودمتم ودام الوطن ما دام هناك وجود